Southern hospitality, northern _______
Southern hospitality is a thing, but does that mean Northern cities are inhospitable? I grew up in Dallas, which isn’t exactly a small town, but I’m used to strangers holding doors open for each other, smiling at each other in passing, and just generally being pretty friendly. When I moved to the New York City area, I had a bit of a culture shock as the social norms are a little different up here. There is a lot more rushing about and pushing past people on the crowded streets without looking back to apologize.
Too many people
I’ve noticed this change in myself, as well. I think it has something to do with the sheer volume of human beings packed into a given square footage of space that encourages an “every man for himself” mentality. There are just too many people. Bumping into strangers becomes such a common occurrence that if you stopped to say “pardon me” every time, you’d arrive late to your destination or would get yelled at by the other people being held up behind you. It feels like you can’t win and the best thing to do is put your head down and continue barreling through the crowds like everyone else seems to be doing. It’s as if there are so many people jostling around you that the value of each individual person as a human being subconsciously means less to you.
Every morning on my commute to work I pass about a half dozen homeless people shouting at the passing crowds that they’re hungry and just need a few dollars to get by. I’ve only seen someone stop to help maybe twice in the past year. In Dallas, I used to keep a stash of trail mix and granola bars in my car to give to people asking for food on street corners, but I’m a bit ashamed to say that now I have the crowd that simply ignores and hurries past as I rush on to the rest of my day. What is it about big city living that hardens us against other people like this?
Big City (in)conveniences
I’ve found that I’m a more cranky person in NYC. Everything is oddly both convenient and also outrageously inconvenient at the same time. Living here can be nice in that you can generally find whatever you want in a melting pot city like NYC, but at the same time it’s enragingly inconvenient in the amount of time it takes to do anything. For example, my one way commute spans about 5 miles but takes over an hour of travel time. Subways run late, you miss the next train, your taxi gets caught in traffic…oh, the traffic… It’s almost physically painful. It’s often faster to just walk where you need to go, but then you run into the problem of all the locals and tourists and lost people stopping in the middle of the sidewalk to consult their maps or take a selfie or ooh and aah at the skyscrapers. I feel that when I’m in NYC, I am always rushing. Rushing to work, rushing to catch a train, rushing home.
It’s not uncommon for restaurants to have 2+ hour wait times, and people who have lived here long enough are just used to it. I’ve even essentially given up on trying to relax and read at a cute coffee shop in the city after having walked to 2, 3, or 4 various cafes only to find them stuffed to the brim.
The therapy of open space
There’s something about crowdedness and visual clutter that induces anxiety and unease. I think this is why some people adopt a minimalist lifestyle and why things like extreme Marie Kondo-esque decluttering gain viral popularity. Manhattan is very…cluttered…in that sense. There are people everywhere, rubbish everywhere, cars everywhere. The sights and sounds and smells are at once invigorating, exciting, surprising, and overwhelming. On the street, in the subway, or at a restaurant, you are in such close quarters that you’re almost always in physical contact with someone else.
My friend once said to me that it was so nice to be able to “stretch your eyes” when looking out over the Hudson River. It hadn’t occurred to me until he said that just how tightly cramped everything is in NYC. It’s therapeutic to look out over a vast distance and just be there in the moment, and it’s difficult to find opportunities to do that when you’re focused on the daily grind. I’ve always enjoyed activities like hiking and camping but never really thought about why these activities were so soothing and peaceful until moving to the NYC area.
Staying mindful in the big city
I currently work in NYC but live in New Jersey, and I feel different – more free and light, less angry – the moment I cross the Hudson. There are more trees, more open space, more puppies on walks spreading happiness on the tree-lined pathways. I do believe that staying mindful- purposefully aware of your thoughts and feelings- is key to staying happy and frustration-free when life throws you curveball after curveball. I’m trying to stay mindful wherever I am and especially when I’m frustrated. It is a choice but something you definitely have control over.
Larger urban areas like NYC can also foster wonderful humanitarian efforts. Cities like Manhattan offer a unique cultural mishmash that is hard to find anywhere else. People come here from all walks of life with such different cultural upbringings and philosophies of living- I really have had so much personal growth just living with and observing different kinds of people here in the big city.
RoxReels 